I have borderline personality disorder. Which basically makes me a mess, all the time. My emotions are not always at the level they should be.
I recently had a break up. Also a divorce, but they are two separate things. My divorce is actually amicable. The breakup though… has me devastated.
I know it was a bad relationship. He was seeing someone else, which makes me a dirty mistress (something he would joke about sometimes…ha…) but he said he loved me. And I had been in love with him for years, so I ignored the sadness that was building and building.
Then he got caught. And yes, the inevitable happened. I am nothing now. And now he’s just somebody that I used to know…
I deserve this, I know. But I swear I was acting out of love. And now I’m abandoned by the person I have loved over half my life, and it’s overwhelming me.
I don’t have a lot of friends. My anxiety makes me want to hide away. And now… now I feel worthless and horrible and rejected.
I have friends. I do. Some of them are actually really great, caring, there for you when you need them people. But I keep dwelling on the ones that make me feel like I’m not good enough.
I should be grateful for the ones who are there. I should be happy that some people do care. But all I can see are the ones who turn their backs. I wonder why not me. Why not me?
I don’t know. I am sure this feeling will fade, eventually. But right now that’s all I can see. All I can feel.
How do normal people deal with this sort of thing?