Overwhelmed by Emotion

I have borderline personality disorder. Which basically makes me a mess, all the time. My emotions are not always at the level they should be.

I recently had a break up. Also a divorce, but they are two separate things. My divorce is actually amicable. The breakup though… has me devastated.

I know it was a bad relationship. He was seeing someone else, which makes me a dirty mistress (something he would joke about sometimes…ha…) but he said he loved me. And I had been in love with him for years, so I ignored the sadness that was building and building.

Then he got caught. And yes, the inevitable happened. I am nothing now. And now he’s just somebody that I used to know…

I deserve this, I know. But I swear I was acting out of love. And now I’m abandoned by the person I have loved over half my life, and it’s overwhelming me.

I don’t have a lot of friends. My anxiety makes me want to hide away. And now… now I feel worthless and horrible and rejected.

I have friends. I do. Some of them are actually really great, caring, there for you when you need them people. But I keep dwelling on the ones that make me feel like I’m not good enough.

I should be grateful for the ones who are there. I should be happy that some people do care. But all I can see are the ones who turn their backs. I wonder why not me. Why not me?

I don’t know. I am sure this feeling will fade, eventually. But right now that’s all I can see. All I can feel.

How do normal people deal with this sort of thing?

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3 thoughts on “Overwhelmed by Emotion

  1. Hi first I thank you for taking the time to write this post I too have BPD and know exactly how you feel however I may have never been in a “relationship” with a “title” i’ve had some fallen through and terrible relationships with guys where I became super impulsive and it ended on a rocky and bad note. I was and am just like you I tend to dwell on the old guys I used to like that made me feel like I was not good enough which turned the current guy I was talking to off. Sorry to ramble but what I am trying to say is that I know how you feel I’m not normal and can’t tell you how a relationship is supposed to go for those who do not have BPD but if your a mess than I am a mess too. We are in a mess together. I support you even though you do not know me. Sending positive vibes your way- Phoenix

    • I have a feeling, from reading a bit of your blog just now, that we have a lot in common. Thank you for taking the time to reach out and show me that I’m not alone in this, I know sometimes even messaging someone online anonymously can be stressful for someone like us.

      • That I can complete agree but I am so open and honest and would love to chat exchange words of wisdom courage anything you may need and things I can learn from you too. I may be only 21 but I know one day I would love to have a stable relationship with a guy despite having this “BPD” in my back pocket ya know? We will support each my email is on my blog feel free to contact me. – Phoenix .

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