I love Cracked.com. I always click on one article… then it’s about five hours later and my head hurts, but I’ve at least smiled at the smarmy but true lists. And every once in a while, they hit the nail on the head in a way that will tell such TRUTH while making you laugh.
Things like this always interest me, as someone who has been labeled clingy crazy-mood-swing-girl, and I’ve heard the phrase “You can’t base your self-worth on what someone else sees in you” in so many ways it haunts my dreams sometimes.
But the thing is, even telling myself I’m not worthless, even with everyone in my life telling me that I’m funny or nice or smart or creative or whatever, in the back of my head, I can see people being annoyed by the babbling fat-ass stupid crazy bitch sitting in front of them. And no amount of therapy, meds, amazing family and friends will ever stop that voice in the back of my head that tells me that no matter how much I pretend, I will always really be worthless. And every time someone abandons me (and yes, the subtext is “They ALWAYS abandon you eventually”) it just puts another hash mark in the “Amy is a worthless pathetic waste of air and should kill herself horribly and videotape it so the world can see and rejoice in not having to serve up any more living to someone who is complete shite.” And yes, that is exactly how my inner monologue sees myself, even when I was actually pretty and young and new.
That ended up a lot heavier than I meant it to be. But yeah… if any of these behaviors sound like anyone you’ve loved in your life, share the article, or maybe let them know that even though you’ll never really get it, you kinda had a glimpse. Also give them a hug. Hugs are important.
And what I consider a BPD Anthem: Stinkfist, though this is the cover by Mer, which I think is amazing.