I can’t stop crying.

I’ve been up since 3 and I’ve cried pretty much continuously.

I will never belong. I will never be a priority.

My heart hurts so much right now.

It wasn’t a bad day. It was a good day. I was glad to spend time down there.

But I will never belong. 

I want to forget. My soul is a burn victim. The surface is blackened and dead and underneath it’s just raw meat and screaming nerves.

I don’t want to care. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I need to lose this before it drains all the color from my life and On dies into Kansas.

Didn’t I used to be strong? How have I survived this long with my emotions being so fragile?

How do people feel happy? Or calm. Peace. Faith. How does faith feel? What is it like to look forward to tomorrow?


One thought on “Untitled

  1. I wish I could tell you how tomorrow looks like. Or even how it feels to look forward to tomorrow. To have the pain subside even if the joy can’t yet bubble to the surface; let the burning stop all over my skin, salves can come later. I wish I had words of hope and relief to say. All I can say is that you’re not alone.

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