Impermanence

Nothing is permanent and nothing is trivial.

Heartaches fade. Memories blur. You stop hearing their voices and the dreams with them begin to comfort rather than hurt.

You can’t clutch to anything. Hold them loosely in your grip, so when they go there’s less damage.

Love freely, love deeply, and don’t take anything for granted. We are owed nothing in this world, not even the next breath.

I’ve lost everything and everyone, started over, more than once. I miss more people than I have right now.

But I’m still breathing.

I don’t know how. Each loss, each new beginning, they get harder. My body wears down, my heart hardens.

Right now I’m surviving. Right now I’m alive. There’s nothing to look forward to. No one i can count on but myself.

But then Kiera curls up against me. Or Cali puts her hand on her hip and tilts her head, huffing in exasperation.

I’m still here.

I’m not happy. I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy again. I don’t know where my life will be even a month from now.

Impermanence. Importance. Love and loss and existence.

I am alone. I am alive.

I am alive.

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