These days are up and down. I don’t feel any better at all. The panic attacks are getting worse. I walk around with cold flashes hitting me like torrential waves. The sadness is back in a hard knot. And I’m angry all the time at how the girls and i have nothing, and the people who should have had shoulders for leaning didn’t care and I let it break me (see? Both assigning blame elsewhere but still all the guilt for allowing it!Fanfuckingtastic!)
I slept two hours last night, and I’m still wide awake after all this time. However, I’ve had energy today. Which had me doing dishes and sorting clothes to get rid of. And dancing at 3am to Tori and the Mac and Sarah McLachlan.
But now I hear birds chirping and I want to write. I worked on an article to submit to Dear Hope and I’m… Not pleased exactly but the words were coming the way I wished for. It took a lot out of me. I need to be calm and breathe and sleep. Also call and place yet another complaint about how all this medication seems to be doing is making me braver about telling folk off, but the payment is fetal position in a blanket cave on the couch for four hours so I don’t feel as if it’s helping.
Anyway, good morning. How are you? I’d honestly like to know.