I have stopped sleeping at night again. Even with medication, even with lack of sleep. There’s a dark loneliness brewing in my mind that defies relaxation.
Therapy is helping. I’m not cured, of course. I doubt I’ll ever be 100 percent again. Some experiences leave deep scars. But until the void started swelling, I actually had a few days that I could honestly say that I was happy. Genuine happiness. I’d thought it couldn’t happen, but there it was.
I think it’s because of pms. And having to do without the effexor while I wait for the nurse practitioner to call in my refill. I hate being controlled by my emotions, but sleep deprivation weakens my defenses. I’m trying to keep it together, using all the cognitive therapy tricks my therapist has helped me learn.
More later. I honestly just can’t keep a clear stream of thought at the moment. Here’s hoping a nap comes soon, but without the stress dreams that have plagued me for two weeks.
Good morning, all. I hope everyone is safe and happy.